My two sons really are excelling in school: in their schoolwork, friendships, and relationships with their teachers. But in the past few months I’ve seen the weariness creep in as they realize that school is something they’ve got to do nearly every day for 10+ more years! So what do I do when they just don’t want to go?

Michele Timmons, a mom and teacher for 20 years says,

Get to the heart of the matter by finding the root cause for your child’s feelings. Set aside some time to have a one-on-one conversation with your child about school. Ask open ended questions to learn more about what they really like and dislike about school.

Parenting skills educator Patty Wipfler says,

Help your child with her feelings. Listening to her talk or cry about the teacher or about some injustice in the classroom will enable her to figure out ways to avoid a bad situation or protect herself … Your other task is to help your child deal with the damaging things that she does encounter in school, such as classmates who constantly tease or fight, or teachers who belittle or punish children or act irrationally toward them. Work out with your child how and how much she wants you to help.

Talking with my sons, I haven’t uncovered any major reasons why they might dislike school: no bullies, harsh teachers, or learning issues. I think a big factor is that they’re just eager for summer vacation! Other parenting blogs point out that dissing school is often “the cool thing to do” for kids at a certain age, and that may be part of the issue too.

Do you have any insight or advice to help kids stay positive about school? Feel free to share your comments.

(Photo via stock.xchng)

1. You’re Too Far Gone to Be Saved

2. I’m So Disappointed in You

3. This Wouldn’t Be Happening If You Were A Better Christian

4. It’s Okay Not to Love Certain People

5. Everyone Should Believe and Act like You Do

6. It’s All Up to You

7. You Don’t Have to Forgive Someone Who Really Hurts You

8. You Missed My Will for Your Life

9. I’ve Given Up on You

10. This Is a Cross You Must Bear

Want more? Will Davis recently spoke with Susie Larson on Faith Radio.

10 things Jesus never said

Have you ever thought…you have been doing the work, watching the calories, sweating, and now it seems you can’t even lose weight right?

How about you treat yourself with a little kindness today.

It’s not just about making the right and healthy food choices or putting in time at the gym. It’s also not about eliminating certain problem foods. Your mental state has a huge influence on whether you hit your weight-loss goals. Old thought patterns might seem unbreakable, but moving forward may be easier than you think. These negative thoughts could be what’s holding you back from success.

Here’s how I know. I have been right where you are right now. I wanted to give up and almost did.

Then God kick started my motivation with a pair of tight pants. I was so ashamed about being out of breath when wearing those tight jeans.

For one who has been overweight most of her life, yes, I know how the tight jean feeling. This is where you run and grab your hanky. My story is not pretty, but it is pretty much a story of rescue. I felt that I had to get to the end of myself before I realized I couldn’t do this losing weight gig on my own. Plus I felt like a loser most of the time at every meal, on every day. The kicker was I had already lost 104 lbs. and now gained 30 of them back. Ouch! That day of reckoning hit hard and I was ashamed.

How could I let this happen?

So as I squeezed myself into those tight jeans, the rejection that I felt was enough to push me over the line of commitment and say….”this is it!” Sept. 24, 2012 was a brand new day for me as I gathered up my resolve and gave myself another chance. I put my love of food aside one more time before God and didn’t look back. I decided in my heart to honor Him with every bite.

I decided to start. I started towards change, a new beginning. Again. My remorse was a catalyst in change.

In this case, my negative feelings spurred my positive move. If you are needing a little kindness today, just look at what you have been running to for comfort for your rejected heart. Make a list the food choices you make. Are they what you are supposed to be eating? And are you measuring your foods, what about the portion size? Are you assuming you know what a 1/2 cup of orange juice looks like? Do you know how much fat is in the fat free salad dressing?

These are hard questions I had to ask myself too and it helped to start writing everything down.

Everything.

This was my kindness effort to myself. After seeing what I really eating and how much, it was obvious of why I had gained 30 lbs.

Kindness…give yourself a little today why don’t you? Prepare for healthy meals, snack times, get some fresh air, and give yourself a chance to succeed.

Health psychologist and Stanford lecturer Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., explains, “If you focus on self-criticism, you’ll be like a laser on it.” Instead of focusing on putting yourself down, draw attention toward what you want to fix and accomplish. Above all else, treat yourself with kindness.

Picture the new you…I know you don’t even want to imagine it but you can do it….come on…dream a little. I know it’s hard to fathom the new you right now. Feeling confident about your ability to succeed is a start, but an action plan can be a huge help too. You might not be able to find the words right now, but creating a tangible reminder, like a healthy Pinterest board covered in inspirational images, will help you start to recognize what your dreams look like. Maybe you just need to write a few kind words to yourself.

Treat yourself with a little kindness today and celebrate your success, each and everyone. Just start…your successes will feed your confidence. Did you know that second chances are God’s specialty?

God hasn’t given up on you when you give up on you.

Once the positive changes start happening…it’s like the domino effect. It motivates you to keep going. The hard work, the sweat, the tears, the struggles, are worth the end result. Kindness works.

This weekend I was overwhelmed with gladness as I purged my closet of clothes that were too big. I treated myself with a little kindness and got rid of the reminders of the clothes that use to reject me. No more safety nets, no going back to focusing on the the rejection. Moving forward with kindness and knowing God’s goodness, I have a positive outlook on each and every choice.

If I can do it, so can you.

“Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.” Proverbs 15:4 (MSG)

Are there negative thoughts about your weight that have held you back in the past? How did you move past these mental roadblocks and welcome the new you?

$10: Feeds a disaster survivor for one day

$30: Provides one food box containing staple foods for a family of four, or one household cleanup kit with brooms, mops, buckets and cleaning supplies

$100: Provides snacks and drinks for 125 survivors and emergency personnel at the scene of a disaster

$250: Provides a hot meal to 100 people, or keeps a hydration station operational for 24 hours

$500: Keeps a Salvation Army canteen (mobile feeding unit) operational for one day

Samaritan’s Purse in mobilizing teams to help

The Salvation Army is responding in multiple locations

Convoy of Hope has deployed teams

Dr. Maier, how can we help our kids by limiting what they see and hear in the news and why is that helpful?

I think in the next 24-48 hours we  have to be very careful as to the media coverage we allow our kids to see. The images on TV are powerful. Young children do not have the ability to abstract. They might think this is in their neighborhood, in their town, at their school. So I would really caution parents and encourage you to limit your media coverage to radio or internet, or watch TV after the kids are in bed.

What if our younger children have already seen images of devastation?

In that case, they may have questions and we need to be willing to listen even though some of their questions may be hard. Encourage them to share by asking open ended questions.

What are some ways we can encourage our children when tragedy hits?

Help them learn that prayer is something we can do anytime and anywhere. Say “Father I don’t understand what is going on. I’m very sad. I’m hurting for these people. Please help them and help me not to be afraid. Please help me to know that I’m safe with my mom and dad. But I want to pray for these people who are hurting and are in grief.”

What are some ways we can reassure our kids when they are afraid?

It makes sense to logically explain that the risk is fairly low. By the same token we need to make sure to allow our kids to express their fears. The last thing we want to do is to tell your child “oh don’t be afraid everything is going to be OK”. That’s in effect minimizing their emotions. Instead ask open ended questions and allow them to share how they feel. Then take time to pray about it. With older children it’s also good to review Bible verses that remind us of God’s provision and care. It’s not only helpful for them to know those verses but those are good for us too.

Some of the damage included a school. What if our kids are afraid to go to school? Should we allow them to stay home?

I personally don’t recommend it because in effect we’re reinforcing their fear. In most schools the teachers will handle this very sensitively and proactively. Often times the principal will have a directive on how the school will handle the situation and questions that come up during class.

(Photo via stock.xcnhng)

There are many hurting hearts today, hearts that are facing the loss of life, property and faith. I can’t help but offer you encouragement during this difficult time, as these eleven verses have captured my heart and offered hope in some of my most lonely and desolate days. I don’t know what you are going through personally but I have weathered some storms in my own life and have needed a strong anchor to keep me grounded. These eleven verses are a strong reminder of God’s presence and tender love for me.

My prayer is that this helps you on your worst day, whatever you are facing today.

Psalm 46
1. God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3. though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

4. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5. God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7. The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8. Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9. He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11. The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

When sorrow shapes my faith, I can only turn to the One who is Faithful. When tragedy shakes my life circumstances, I can only run to the God is who is unshakable. When I don’t understand the ‘whys’, I can only sit at the feet of my mighty and powerful God who has a grander purpose in pain. When you have a bad day and wonder what’s coming next, look to Jesus who knows what you are going through. He will never leave you alone on your worst day.

“Perfect faith is the faith that moves us to trust God even when it seems as though God isn’t moving.” ~ Andy Stanley

My mind fills with an awkward silent sighs and I wonder. In those quiet moments, I have some worrisome thoughts. My heart just wants to see and understand. Does my wonder really do any good? “You can’t see it in person,” hisses the enemy. It’s true somewhat…I don’t see the results. The work that God is doing is hidden for now.

There are days when I feel I don’t accomplish much. I think about how I should be doing something more tangible–serving at a community food kitchen, distributing groceries, hugging the African littles, something, anything where I can feel progress or see a forward motion. There are days I get hung up on needing to see and feel the results. I know that need isn’t right. In my wishful thinking I want to see overwhelming approval. I know that is wrong too.

I just need more faith.

What I really desire is evidence of something more tangible. I whispered to Jesus as darkness filled my early morning. “Are you sure God, I am so afraid!” He has laid something on my heart, a challenge to write something that I have never done before. It’s a task of great undertaking. I have never ventured this far out of my comfort zone before.

This project brings fear into my heart, it makes my palms sweaty. And I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. And besides that, who am I to write it? I am nothing special.

Then… this verse rises into my heart…

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

I’ve always thought of those words in the context of believing in Jesus but not in seeing results or the unseen faith things. On that morning it seemed liked there was something more He wanted to teach me. What God is calling me to do is just to be faithful.  To obey what He is asking of me.  What He wants of me is to act justly…and offer obedience in return. The results of the task are His business. He is the one making the difference. He is the One building my faith. He is the One who makes results come about. The One Who Loves whispers into the fear in my heart and the parts of my faith and speaks directly to my obedience.

It’s not about the results, it’s about my obedience.

Faith is believing. Faith is sure. Sure of hopes, dreams for the God-matters in this world.
Faith leaps, bounds and builds. Faith fans the flames of inspiration.
Faith is certain.

Faith is the evidence of what we do not see…even in our adversities, difficulties, uncertainties, and trials.

Faith anchors us to the unseen. Only God knows the pricks, the folds and the imprints that are made.

Faith in God writes His wonders on our hearts.
Faith measures what matters. It calls to the faithful. Faith submits, follows and obeys.
Faith makes a difference and changes.

Faith hears God whispering back saying…”submit…trust…obey”.

Faith is working the unseen things together for your good.
The I AM is taking care of the rest, the results. Keep the faith. Hold on. Pray for deeper faith. Pray for perfect faith.

With the results unseen, it’s beautiful obedience.

“Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.” ~ Oswald Chambers

What’s a hard thing God has asked you to do? Did you do it?

Thankfully you’ve finally made it into bed. And all you want to do is drift off into that wonderful, rejuvenating world of sleep. But just as you close your eyes and exhale, it begins—a muffled hint of thought. And then, seemly against your will, you tune into the “chatter”, which makes it all the more pronounced. Yep. Your busy brain is at it again!

If you suffer from sleep-preventing “brain chatter”, you, my friend, are in good, albeit, tired, company. What I have discovered is that there are ways to get your brain to shut down or “up”—whichever direction suits you.

The first way to settle your brain is to prepare your mental muscle, ahead of time, to go to bed. You do this by taking a few minutes before lights out to: 1) Mentally review the day you’ve just completed and 2) Schedule the day to come. If this is done prior to head-on-pillow time, there will be much less “thought fodder” for you to chew on.

Secondly, keep a pencil and notepad on your night stand. If a thought pops into your head that your brain decides is critically important for you to remember for tomorrow—and therefore refuses to let it go—roll over and write it down. That way your brain (and body) can be rest assured.

Third, you will need to police the content of your pre-sleep brain chatter. I suggest you limit your thoughts to the following subjects: good things that happened that day, accomplishments made, things/events/people that brought you joy. Any other subject will likely cause your heart rate to rise, and in doing so, chasing away your slumber.

Finally, make your “departing” thoughts of the day be ones of gratitude. Recounting God’s goodness will bathe your brain in contentment—and a contented brain always sleeps soundly!

Here is a recent question from a listener.  “I ‘picked a battle’ with my strong-willed daughter and then decided it wasn’t a battle worth fighting. What should I do now?”  Maybe you have found yourself in the same situation.  Here are our thoughts.

• If you pick a battle unwisely one option is to simply admit the mistake and make the correction.  A compliant child has probably not shown much opposition to your first decision so this is easily accomplished.
• If your child is strong-willed that is a different situation.  Since the mom in the question above classified her daughter as a strong-willed child, it is important for her to think long and hard before using the first strategy we suggested.  That is especially true if the daughter argued with Mom about the decision.
• Admitting the mistake and making the correction will give a protesting strong-willed child the impression she is the one in control.  If the original decision made by the parent is not harmful to the strong-willed child, then stick with it.  If the first decision was a major mistake, then changing that decision is warranted.
• If a change is necessary be certain the strong-willed child understands it is NOT coming because the child was angry, intimidating, or lobbying for a change.  Instead it is an adult decision made after reconsideration.
• The general rule: When you pick a battle, win it.   That is even more important if your child is strong-willed. Do your best to choose your battles wisely.

What have you done when you picked a battle unwisely?

I try my best but still she points out that something is wrong. Her words echo… “Not good enough.”

I could dress my best and she will whisper, “Nice, but not as nice as hers.”

I mess up and let my clumsy words tumble out and she says, “well, that hurt, I could have said it better!”

The list of unwholesome negatives goes on and on.

Who is this girl? If you and I were friends with her, wouldn’t we want to put a stop to that relationship? Let’s be honest about her…some days she lives a little on the snarky side.

And when I part company with her, I am the one who comes away feeling like I will never measure up. Day after day of spending time with that “friend”, well it can wear a friendship out.

Want in a little secret? …yeah…you guessed it….. that “friend” is me, my negative self-talker friend.

Am I the only one who is at the back of this line for a little grace?

Ashamedly I have had these conversations with myself all too often.

Those around me say, “Give yourself a little grace.” Yep, sounds good, but it’s hard to do. I think what they really mean is that “please just give yourself some slack and don’t be so hard on yourself”. And that maybe true, but I don’t really think that is God’s answer. Only God is the Grace giver. And only His truth can combat this daily battle.

Is it about giving ourselves grace or is it really about receiving grace from God?

Grace says, “Yes, you messed up. But I forgive you.”

Grace says, “Yes, you have lost weight, but I loved you 50 lbs ago. I am still bringing you into my perfect beauty.”

Grace says, “When you bow to others to approve you then you don’t make room in your heart to live from MY approval.”

Grace says, “Even though I know you are kind of a mess sometimes, I give you my Fullness generously.”

God’s.Grace.Matters. God’s grace changes us.

So where in the Bible does it tell me to give myself a little slack?

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

God’s words to me: “My child, every time you compare yourself to the next whatever and you come away putting yourself down, that is unwholesome. I know each time that slips out of your mouth, I know each time you allow that to slip into your heart, and each time it bounces around in your mind. And when you do that you are telling Me that I am not enough. Let me remind you….I AM.”

You see Grace is just that, a gift that we need daily. God’s grace therapy is needed like a bottle of spilled pills to medicate our lives, each time we are tempted to put ourselves down or when we whisper criticism in our heads. When snarky falls on our hearts we need to know that we have to get back up to receive God’s grace therapy. When this broken record keeps playing in our minds, we need to apply wholesome truth to ourselves.

I am still loved, chosen, cherished by the King. I’m going to get back up and stand firm for Him again by guarding wholesomeness in my mind, body, and soul.

Only God’s grace can change.
Only grace can quiet the voice within us that pushes us toward wipe-out.
Only grace can reclaim us so that it sustains us.
Only God’s can gracefully return us to where we belong again.
Only Grace brings us wholeness in Him.
Only God’s wholesome grace can benefit.
Only God’s grace therapy tells me the truth about who I am.

It’s time to still our hearts, to quiet ourselves and instead listen to grace. Wholesome Grace Therapy.

Shhhhh….Listen…Do you hear it?