Learning to cherish your spouse is just as important as loving them. Too often our natural responses highlight contempt, not cherish, towards our spouse.
As an example how this can play out in a marriage Gary Thomas retells the story of a couple who came in late to a counseling appointment.
“The husband said, ‘I just want to let you know that I was here five minutes early and the reason we’re late was that Rosa was late.’ She just said, ‘Thanks for throwing me under the bus.’”
This wasn’t the first time Gary had seen this type of contemptuous behavior from this couple. He decided to address it head on.
“I just said to them, ‘Look, you might not even remember my name in five years and tonight you’re going to be thinking about your life, I’m to be thinking about mine. But you said what you said earlier because you wanted me to think well of you. But you don’t live with me, you live with Rosa. You should be thinking how do I affirm her and support her in such a way that she’s going to feel protected.”
How much different would it have been if the husband had just said ‘Sorry, we’re late.’
“Rosa would have thought, ‘Wow, he took one for me.’ She’s going to feel that much closer to you.”
There are always two sides to every story.
“Then I said to Rosa, ‘You know how you felt when he threw you under the bus. I believe that’s how he feels when you make him late. The way he was raised, he hates being late. He’ll never not hate being late. When you decide you can get one more task done or just wait a little bit more and expect every light to be green to get there, you’re putting yourself above him. You’re not cherishing your husband, you’re cherishing yourself.’”
Ultimately, cherishing one another in marriage works for the good of both husband and wife.
“Learning to cherish each other is going to make their marriage experience a whole lot more meaningful, more fun, and more intimate.”
Gary Thomas is a bestselling author and international speaker whose ministry brings people closer to Christ and closer to others. He unites the study of Scripture, church history, and the Christian classics to foster spiritual growth and deeper relationships.
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